Things That Make Absolutely No Sense to Me

Some mornings I wake up, pour myself a cup of coffee, and just... wonder.

Not about the meaning of life.

Not about whether we're alone in the universe.

Nope.

I'm over here trying to figure out why we all just accept things that make absolutely no sense.

Seriously...

Who decided this was normal?

Let's discuss.

Why do socks disappear in the dryer?

Listen...

I'm not accusing my dryer of stealing.

I'm just saying I've never once found an extra sock.

Only missing ones.

Where are they going?

Do they retire to Florida?

Is there a secret island somewhere full of lonely socks waiting for their mates?

I need answers.

Why do we look for our phone... while we're talking on it?

I've also looked for my sunglasses while they were sitting on top of my head.

And countless times I spent elevenhundredteen minutes looking for my coffee...

I'd make another cup, and find my first one and then the cycle continues..

I don't know if I'm getting older or if my brain just has 47 tabs open.

Why does the dog beg to go outside...

...only to stand on the porch looking at you like you're the one making bad decisions?

Sir.

This whole adventure was your idea.

Why do we all open the refrigerator...

...knowing good and well nothing new has magically appeared since we looked 37 seconds ago?

Every single time I open it, there's a tiny part of me hoping a slice of dairy-free cheesecake just showed up.

It never does.

Why is printer ink more expensive than a kidney?

You mean to tell me I can buy an entire printer for fifty bucks...

But replacing the ink requires me to refinance my house?

Who approved this?

I'd just like to talk.

Why do fitted sheets exist?

I'm convinced the person who invented them was laughing the entire time.

There is no other explanation.

Why is it impossible to leave Walmart with only the one thing you went in for?

You walk in needing toothpaste.

You walk out with...

A candle.

Dog treats.

A new throw blanket.

Seasonal decorations you didn't know you needed.

Three snacks.

A plant.

And somehow...

You forgot the toothpaste.

Why is there always one grocery bag that weighs approximately 900 pounds?

One bag has bread and potato chips.

The next bag has three bags of frozen corn and somehow requires a spotter to lift it.

Why do geese scream like they are a 2 year old who just had a toy taken away?

...because a butterfly flew by?

The mailman?

Emergency.

A squirrel?

Emergency.

The wind changed directions?

DEFCON 1.

Meanwhile, an actual problem happens and they're busy yelling at a dandelion.

Why do we all walk into a room...

...and immediately forget why we went in there?

Then you walk back where you came from...

Remember.

Walk back again...

Forget again.

And yet, you remember every word to a song made 40 years ago!

Why is there one person in every house...

Who opens cabinets and never closes them.

Why do people ask if you need anything from town...

...after they've already gotten home?

"Oh! I forgot to ask if you needed anything."

Well...

I did.

Yesterday.

Why does every family have a junk drawer?

And why...

No matter whose junk drawer it is...

You'll always find:

• Three dead batteries.
• Seventeen rubber bands.
• A random Allen wrench.
• Coupons that expired during the Reagan administration.
• Takeout soy sauce packets.
• A key that belongs to absolutely nothing.

It's basically a museum of "I might need this someday."

Why does the smoke detector battery always die at 2:47 in the morning?

Never at 2:00 in the afternoon.

Never when you're already awake.

Always in the middle of the night...

When you're trying to figure out which detector is yelling at you while standing on a chair in your pajamas.

And finally...

Why is it...

The minute you sit down...

Get comfortable...

Pull the blanket up...

Take that first sip of hot coffee...

The dog needs out.

Your phone rings.

Your spouse asks you for something

Or you suddenly remember the laundry has been sitting in the washer since Tuesday.

It's like life waits until you're comfortable just to say...

"Absolutely not." 🤣

I don't know if any of these mysteries will ever be solved.

Maybe they're not supposed to be.

Maybe they're just part of the adventure.

But if somebody ever figures out where the missing socks go...

Or why geese believe every leaf is a national emergency...

Please let me know.

Because I've been wondering.

So tell me...

What's something that makes absolutely no sense to you?

I know y'all have some good ones, and I have a feeling I'm about to laugh way harder than I should. 🤣☕